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Post by VixensVengeance on May 5, 2020 20:25:06 GMT
I see no reason to not begin this, today, now in fact. For some, this first post might be redundant but I find it is as good a starting place as any to begin my journey here in this place. The direction I take from this point forward will be one of ruthless and unrelenting dedication to my comprehension of the dark. When I left high school I had a plan. A list of everything I wanted to achieve in life and the drive to spend the next 20 to 30 years achieving everything on that list, piece by piece. So when I was in my 20’s and in college, I created for myself a flow chart. This chart was designed to track milestones in 4 major areas of my life over the next 20 years. The four major areas were health, career, education and personal/hobbies. Each of these areas contained a set of several goals and dependency milestones to achieve those goals. All these areas, when fulfilled, would lead to one final block on the flow chart – my dream life. This would be the ultimate manifestation of what I considered at the time to be my perfect existence. It’s been nearly 25 years since I wrote that flow chart out and I haven’t thought about it in quite some time. However I still have it and over the weekend, after a conversation on discord with Luciana, I pulled it out again. I had forgotten some of the details of that list but I was also pleasantly surprised to see that everything I had set out to do on that list, I had done. It was not easy, and there were times I was sidetracked and goals that came out differently than I had originally intended but time and experience and wisdom changes who we are and so goals change as well. But none the less, I live that dream life I set out to accomplish all those years ago. But something else I realized in looking at that flow chart was that for the past few years I have had no plan and no real goals. Sure I have accomplished but it’s been by flittered from thing to thing aimlessly, letting whim take me where it wanted to. I no longer have a design for my life. Maybe that’s why I have been feeling a bit lost and unfocused, even burned out. I have been living my life and loving that but I have no long term goals anymore. No plan for growth and no plan for real accomplishment that requires sacrifice. It’s time to change that. I took the time this weekend to write down everything in my life that I consider my personal passions and hobbies. I had done this before I pulled that original flow chart out and I was actually shocked to see that the 4 major categories I wrote on my new list were the exact same as my original. It’s a good set of categories that speaks to me it seems. I have realized that my new list has evolved and grown quite a bit from my original but some of the core elements are the same. Over the next few weeks I’m going to refine my new list into a new flow chart with a new set of long term goals based on my same milestone design. In subsequent posts here I will write out that raw list and keep a record of how I will be defining it into the flow chart. One other thing I’m going to start doing is researching what the DS path really means to me and in particular the warrior spirit I see in this path. I will be journaling about different aspects of this warrior spirit and its inherent culture in future posts. I’m excited about this new direction and the potential for adventure and learning it will bring!! |
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Post by VixensVengeance on May 5, 2020 20:25:52 GMT
Based on my previous post, below is the list of passions and hobbies I wrote out this weekend. It is totally raw and unrefined, simply a stream of consciousness as these things came to my mind and where I impulsively placed them based solely on first intuition. As they are categorized below I would consider a Passion something I have deep burning interest in pursuing and a hobby more as something fun but could take or leave. From this list I plan to consider each entry and really decide if its a passion or a hobby. Then refine specific passions into personal goals and milestones to reach those goals in a flow chart format.
As I said before, this list is very different from the one I wrote out and refined into a flow chart 20+ years ago. For example my career section here is much smaller but the personal section is much larger. A result of my shift in priorities over the years as I have achieved goals it seems. As I compiled this list I also considered and asked myself the following questions:
Who are the Gods of disciplines that I think of when certain topics are brought up?
Examples:
• Health - Arnold Schwarzenegger – healthy lifestyle or fitness or body building
• Career – Bruce Springsteen - Music
• Education – Stephen Hawking - Astrophysics
• Personal – Neil Degrasse Tyson – Astronomy - Neil Armstrong - History
Who are the Gods in my personal life? Who has no focus? Why?
PASSIONS AND HOBBIES
HEALTH
• Passion
o Hiking
o Kick Boxing
o Nutrition – healthy eating and lifestyle - Weight Maintenance
o Martial Arts/Bukendo/Saber
• Hobby
o Skiing
o SCUBA
o Swimming
o Weight Lifting
o Gardening
CAREER
• Passion
o Technical Project Management
• Hobby
o
EDUCATION
• Passion
o 2nd Degree - Sciences
• Hobby
o Any opportunity to learn – Beer making/bjcp, leather working, spiritual, etc
PERSONAL
• Passion
o Amateur Astronomy
o Wood burning and working
o Writing
o Aviation and Rocketry
o Beer making (BJCP Judge)
o Renaissance fairs
o Philosophy/critical thinking
o My spiritual group
• Hobby
o Genealogy
o Cooking/grilling
o Leather Working
o Drawing
o Shooting
o Music – Violin
o Languages – Cherokee or German or Celtic or Norwegian
o Travel – set foot on all 7 continents
o History – historical astro-archeological sites
o Wolves
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Post by VixensVengeance on May 5, 2020 20:27:02 GMT
One of my own creation of course! :lol:
I searched for many years to find a spiritual home. Christianity for a while because of my ex. Then I found paganism and felt I was home. It became a passion of mine and I studied all aspects of it intently for many years. I was initiated into two covens over the years, making 3rd degree in one and 2nd in another. But both times I left because my evolving sense of spirituality as a witch outgrew the dogmatic confines of those environments.
I wanted something more, something that fit me, so I created my own group. I sought out some of the greatest individuals I could find, those I had met over the years in my journey and I formed my own tradition. Each of the current 7 members functions in their own circles but we also get together every month as peers and teach each other and learn from each other and do ritual together.
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Post by VixensVengeance on May 5, 2020 20:27:56 GMT
A functional site for one thing. A deep wealth of consolidated material and wisdom steeped in a long history of accomplishment for another. In my short time around these boards I have had the opportunity to interact with most of what seems to be the core of the Dark Aspect. And in that time I have formed opinions about who and where will give me the best opportunity to learn the way of the Dark. David is too one dimensional and Snowy is to young in the path. Neither are my best shot in my opinion. Instead I have come to believe that consolidated here under one roof are the best, You and Miles and Luciana. You are who I want to learn from and so why should I not go to the place most suited for that desire? And yes on my passions, I am in the process of consolidating them. Your right that on the surface all these things I posted could be considered scattered and disparate but they are really not, its just in the way I have presented them in their raw form that they take on that connotation. In actuality all these things are deeply intertwined and each one serves as a facilitator to one of a very select few passions I truly possess. I'm working up the details of that now and will post more shortly. I plan to have it done before the first of the year so that I may start the year with an explosive launch from the starting gate and get a jump on the herd so to speak! 
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Post by VixensVengeance on May 5, 2020 20:28:36 GMT
Below are my passions and goals for this year and into the next. I maintain these through a Flow chart but I could not find a good way to depict that here so the best I could do was the outline below. Hope it is easy to understand but if not let me know!
HEALTH
• Passion – Healthy Lifestyle
• Current Focus – Improve on my health
o Milestones
Workout 5 days a week
Eat low carb balanced protein/fat diet
Use fasting method/workout before eating
o Means
Hike 3 days a week
Kickboxing 2-3 days a week
o Supporting
Maintain active lifestyle – skiing, SCUBA, swim, weights, martial arts
Cooking/nutrition – healthy meals prep, research optimal eating, farm to table
• GOALS
o Refine body shape – Use half string method to measure body fat. (Half your height should be your waist size)
o Take 15 mins off my standard 3 mile hike time.
CAREER
• Passion – Advancement through leadership
• Current Focus – Lead my team forward in new company vision
o Milestones
Get certified in SDN
Get certified in NFV
Get certified in Integrated Cloud
o Means
Complete required company training tracks
o Supporting
Continue perfecting leadership methods by training my team and learning from my peers as well as providing outstanding customer service to my clients.
• GOALS
o Complete certification as a “Business Solutions Integrator”
EDUCATION
• Passion – Life Long Learning
• Current Focus – Get a degree in Physics
o Milestones
2018 spring – find good tutor, refresh on Calculus
2018 summer – complete speech course
2018 fall – complete physics I
2019 spring – complete calculus II
2019 summer – complete chemistry II
2019 fall – complete physics II
o Means
Attend Classes at my local University
o Supporting
Areas of interest – Astronomy, Aviation, Rocketry, History, Philosophy
Obsession for learning – Critical thinking, languages, genealogy, Astro-photography
• GOALS
o Year 1 – Satisfactory completion of all courses for this year
o Year 2 – satisfactory completion of all courses for this year
o Degree Earned
PERSONAL
• Passion – Creative expression and Adventure
• Current Focus – Wood Working, Leather Working, Spiritual Journey
o Milestones
Wood – Cabinet Doors sanded and stained, finish wine rack project
Leather – Completion of prototype harness
Spiritual – Become a Sith Apprentice
o Means
Consistent project work
Taking Leather classes
Research Sith Warrior Archetypes
Live the Sith philosophy by pursuing all aspects of my life relentlessly and ruthlessly like a predator.
o Supporting
Other areas of interest – music-Violin, shooting-make my own bow, Fellowship-my spiritualty, writing, drawing, Ren Fairs, beer making, travel, home repair, Wolf Sanctuary
• GOALS
o Year 1 – Complete Cabinets in Kitchen, Complete Leather Harness Designs
o Year 1-2 – Become a Sith Knight
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Post by VixensVengeance on May 5, 2020 20:34:41 GMT
Yes I do have a lot on my plate at any point in time but I prefer it that way. It keeps me from getting bored and even bored of just the same thing. I take more of a "time slicing" approach. Sunday evening is usually a planning time for the week ahead. So I pick sections of the week to accomplish certain tasks and advance certain projects. I also have an incredibly flexible job and can schedule those hours in a nonlinear fashion a lot of times as well. Some of that work time will include training for my job.
Beyond that, during the day I usually get in a workout and other menial tasks like chores etc. Then evenings during the week are usually project work. Right now its leather working or research/homework or writing or just reading or drawing some nights if the mood hits me (that mental alertness left/right brain thing :lol: ) Weekends are usually for bigger projects like my wood working and I have a Saturday morning leather class right now. Of course a couple nights a week this year will be dedicated to school as well. Some weeks that changes as I will attend a Ren fair on a weekend or go SCUBA diving with friends. Things like that.
I keep a pretty detailed calendar of my activities so I can keep my weeks and months organized as well. Its a living calendar that changes constantly but its the best approach I have found to maintaining some order lol.
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Post by VixensVengeance on May 5, 2020 20:35:43 GMT
I have been thinking about the Sith path and its seemingly inherent core in the philosophy of the Warrior. Some of the recent conversations I have had here got me thinking about the idea of choice. As a Sith I need to constantly be a creator of choice for myself. I believe that the warrior mentality is a natural facilitator of that choice and that is why Sith are warriors.
In the book “The Art of War” by Sun Tzu, he wrote “It is better to be a warrior in a garden than a gardener in a war”. I believe this statement succinctly quantifies this idea that warriors create choice. This statement implies that the warrior has created the choice where she can exist in either environment while the gardener has not.
The warrior creates options. As a Sith Warrior I am not on a singularly specific evolutionary path but one of branching opportunities that I have the ability to seize at my leisure based on my preference in reaction to any situation I may encounter. I also think that my passions, which are at the very core of my existence, should reflect this philosophy as well.
Deeply wrapped up in this idea is the fact that my eventual demise should drive those passions. My goals should have meaning and when those goals have meaning they become passions. What I imply by “meaning” is that if I am told tomorrow that I have cancer and will die in a month. This news should reinforce my desire and urgency to further my passions not destroy my desire for them.
Part of this is to also easily have the ability to provide for those I love without radical modification of those passions. This is the heart of courage that I, as a Sith warrior, should possess. One of triumph or death and one of definitive protection of others not as capable as I am. This could be for myself or my family or an entire nation, it does not matter. To me this is my path of the Sith.
Under this new understanding I have looked at my goals as I have defined them above. And in the coming days and weeks I’m going to reevaluate them to see if they are actually true passions of mine that fit this Sith Warrior Archetype or not. If they are not they will be downgraded or modified to come under this philosophy accordingly.
For example I may tell myself I have a passion to buy a new Jaguar. But this is not really a passion because if I were told I will die next week this desire would seem meaningless. Instead I need to pattern my passions to fulfill meaningful life pursuits. Saving for a new car is really just a goal. This does not mean I should not pursue it if it makes me happy but it also means it’s not truly a passion.
However saving money to become financially independent is a passion because it creates options. I could use that money for a new car if I desired but I could also optionally use it to do any other number of things - take a trip, buy a house or create financial independence for my loved ones if I died. Once again, this is a passion because my demise only serves to reinforce the urgency of the goal, not destroy it. If my passions do not fit these two criteria, creation of options and urgency in my demise, they are ultimately meaningless. To me this is the code of a warrior, this is the code of a Sith.
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Post by VixensVengeance on May 5, 2020 20:36:29 GMT
I have spent a great deal of time contemplating my life and my passions since my last entry here. I have also deeply contemplated Lucianas comments. I am beginning to see the distinction between the passion and the pursuit of the passion. And in my redefining of my passions I have tried to incorporate some of that as well. I do find the pursuit of the passion a very worthy focus but I can also distinguish it from its goal, the passion itself. But I also find great joy in the hunt for its own sake just as much as the attainment of the quarry.
It is also this interesting dynamic that I have been focusing on in my studies of Warrior philosophy as it relates to the Sith mindset. I have been reading about both real warrior cultures like the Vikings, American Indians, the Celts and the Samurai as well as fictional ones like the Klingons and the Romulans. The more militaristic cultures seem to not fit well with Sith philosophy but the ones that incorporate more of a worldview of “accomplishment at all cost” seem well suited. In my studies I have found the Romulan and Viking philosophies most in line with the Sith. But studies continue and in subsequent posts I plan to flesh this idea out more.
In any case, in light of my last comments I have examined my passions while considering my own demise to see if they are truly worthy to me and if they were, what choice they created in my life. Under this scrutiny my passions have been radically modified. I have many pursuits in life, many hobbies, many interests, but only 3 true passions. These 3 things are the very core of who I am. The things that become urgent for me to master and also create the greatest choice in my life. They are the things that, if I didn’t pursue at any cost or be willing to give any sacrifice for, I would feel unfulfilled upon my death. These things are the fuel for the fire that burns inside my dark engine of desire.
• PASSION – To live as long as possible and to have that life be as high of quality as possible
o Pursuit of that Passion – To live a healthy lifestyle.
My chosen pursuit of this passion allows me to do all those other things I described in earlier posts. It keeps death at bay by prolonging my life in a productive way and thus enhances my time to accomplish. It also allows me to be physically in shape and active so I can do the things I want to do and be full of energy to do more of those things. That makes me feel good about myself physically and emotionally.
• PASSION – Work and play in a variety of aeronautical disciplines – Physics/Astronomy/Aviation.
o Pursuit of that Passion – Continue to go to College to earn Degrees. Practice my hobbies of astronomy and rocketry. Participate in related clubs and events.
For as long as I can remember I have been fascinated with the stars and space and the planets. When I was younger I wanted to be an astronaut. As I got older I thought Astronomy would be an amazing career. Everything in my life drives me to this passion. I love to fly, I spend my nights with a telescope looking at the stars. I spend my free time studying anything to do with astronomy. I love rocketry – in fact anything that flies. I have always wanted to work in one of the fields relating to this passion. Unfortunately life has taken me in a different direction. However I still keep trying. For a time I denied myself this, told myself it was silly and I just needed to forget it. But I never could, so I continue to pursue its various aspects.
• PASSION – My creative expression and lust for adventure
o Pursuit of the Passion – Financial independence.
Career - Under this passion this just becomes a means to an end. I love what I do for a living and I am a natural leader so I excel at it but I don’t have a true passion for it. If I were totally financially independent I would not work but instead go to school (and pay for it as I went!). I could also take an entry level job in a different field that I had a passion for but paid less and I would not have to worry about the money I made. Right now I am quite financially stable but not financially independent so I have to balance my current career as a necessary evil against the pursuit of my other passions in life. But I am making progress in this area, I have a highly diversified portfolio and I own real estate. As well I have a job in which I can set my own hours and so I can balance the time I need to work to make the necessary money to support myself with the time to pursue my other passions.
Personal - under this passion my personal interests become various expressions of this passion. Those expressions are things I love to do but also things I have continual growing and shrinking levels of interest in. However the one thing they have in common is they are all expensive and so having enough money to do them when I please is a primary pursuit!
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Post by VixensVengeance on May 5, 2020 20:37:19 GMT
I had a very interesting thing happen to me today, I realized I have a cognitive bias.  , now this is said sarcastically of course because we all have them. However for me, they are often hard to recognize in myself and even harder to openly admit to once I see them. But this happened to me today and based on my time here and promise to myself to be open, I have to admit it exists. I don’t believe in the concept of natural law. I don’t think there is any universal governing force that exists to decide absolute good or evil. And yet I found myself applying that sort of standard to something I had personally experienced in my life. I was characterizing something as having absolutely no redeeming qualities because I had personally experienced negative interactions with it. And then I was reminded of a quote from a movie I love, that of the original “Alien”. In that movie the Alien is the epitome of evil for the crew of that ship. A perfect killing machine whose only purpose is their destruction. And yet even something that could be considered pure evil can still be admired for what it is. Nature is not fair and it spends most of its time trying to kill us. But as a dark sider I welcome that, even embrace it because it is strife and challenge and suffering that make me grow. I try to embrace that but I was failing to apply that to this thing. My own bias was keeping me from seeing the truth of the matter. That while it is something I hate, it is also necessary and something to be admired for what it is outside the context of my own preconceptions. Once I removed myself from those preconceptions I could appreciate it for what it was in a new light. I internalize a lot. I have been taken advantage of in the past... by mentors. I willingly gave up power in an exchange of trust and that was abused through forms of subtle manipulation and coercion. It’s hard to admit to myself that I have put myself in situations where I allowed this to happen. But it’s even harder to admit that after those times I have just universally written those experiences off as absolutely destructive. It’s that justification that has allowed me to pretend I don’t care. It is easy to pretend this because it relieves me of any responsibility. But this has been my bias because this is not actually true. I do care and in actuality those experiences also served to make me stronger. They made me fight and grow and the pain that came out of them was good – weakness leaving the body. I have found myself having trouble giving that power over again to someone else… anyone else. But I realize now it’s not born of caution but of fear. And that fear has been justified by prejudiced notions. I want to break this in myself and I want to move forward. I will move forward. |
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Post by VixensVengeance on May 5, 2020 20:37:58 GMT
I have been thinking a great deal about passion and how it relates to my Sith path in correlation to the warrior spirit. I see several components of passion that can also be equated to specific archetypes. These archetypes are undeniable in me. They make up the core of who I am and they will not be denied. I don’t believe everyone carries the sort of combination I do. In fact I find it quite rare. It is this makeup that sets me apart from others. It is what makes me Sith. I cannot “become” Sith. I just am Sith because it is simply the way I was born.
As a Sith I do not hide my emotions. I tend to revel in them, being capable of both intense compassion and deep loving devotion but also fanatical ferocity and viciousness. I characterize myself as passionate, cunning, and opportunistic. To others this could be misconstrued as living a life of brutality but in fact it is not. It is a life of controlled innovation driven by unbridled passion. One in which I choose to adopt only the highest standards in myself but also exhibit enduring loyalty to family and reciprocated allegiance to friends. But betray those without remorse and I see no need for mercy.
I have been referred to as duplicitous. But that’s not true. I am actually quite an honorable creature. My reputation in this regard stems from my philosophy of “accomplishment at all cost”. Sometimes that accomplishment is for self and sometimes it is not. This can also change based on shifting priorities. I consider this a warrior-like battlefield concept. One in which objectives are always fluctuating and I must remain fluid in order to adapt. Some may not understand the nature of these sorts of sacrifices but that is not my issue. I celebrate rather than repress my instinctual, passionate emotions and consider my own personal code in this regard as foremost in importance… as follows:
COMPONENTS OF PASSION
• The Predator Archetype –
o Manifests Desire –
The Predator inside me is what drives me. It is the beginning spark of passion, the rolling clouds before the storm, the yearning. That ache that cannot be denied. This is pure instinct – I must act on it but it does not come from intelligent thought. It comes from the animal need to pursue my prey, as is the natural order of things.
• The Hunter Archetype –
o Manifests Perseverance –
The Hunter is my strength. It is the intensity I need to never give up the pursuit of the goal. It is the thunder clap of excitement, the emotion of the chase. Heart pounding, nervous excitement, complete focus. Where the predator is who I am, the hunter is what I am. The constant threat of failure is a component of this but that only quickens my pace even more, pushes me forward in pursuit of victory.
• The Warrior Archetype –
o Manifests Conflict and Sacrifice
The Warrior is power, the clash of steel against steel. It is the lightning strike of destruction that brings forth new growth. Sheer will pushing forward, blood is shed in sacrifice to attain the goal. Here victory or death is achieved. Leadership is an instinctive element of the warrior, allowing me to step away from the pack to make the decisions and sacrifices inherent of battle that are necessary to achieve the victory. Compassion is often times an overlooked component of the Warrior. Those elements lost in the fight are mourned. Even more importantly sometimes it is myself that I will sacrifice in empathy for a cause or for others – family or brothers in arms. This is why I am.
These are the Archetypes that I perceive inside me as a Sith. However there is one more Archetype that I have been thinking about. I don’t really see this one as so much a part of the Sith path but maybe it’s a part of the Dark path in general. That Archetype is the Soldier.
• The Soldier Archetype –
o Manifests Duty and Honor –
The soldier is disciplined and has ultimate loyalty to a specific foundation or goal. Honor to the code is paramount for the soldier. However this is not a personal code, but one of an institution. Their honor is also not a personal one but one bound to this idea as well. They are not so much leaders as followers of a cause. Compassion seems to be lacking for the Soldier, as they take direction from a perceived higher authority, that of the cause itself. The soldier is regimented and militaristic in their pursuit and tend to deploy only conflict and force as tools of their trade.
My experience with the general dark path (not Sith specifically) is one more of a regimented series of steps. You must achieve “A” in order to get “B” and so on. Achieve rank so to speak. For example at the FA it seems everything is geared toward taking over the DA there. That was never a goal of mine. I’m not a soldier. I’m a Warrior. The soldier is obedient, the Warrior is wild. I would rather run in the forest naked under the moon light than march in step towards my goals.
Of course these ideas are in flux for me right now. This is just my first steps in further developing these concepts. However one of the most surprising things I have discovered here is that compassion is a large part of the Sith path and I am deeply exploring that right now in addition to its warrior aspects.
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Post by VixensVengeance on May 5, 2020 20:38:51 GMT
Karpman Drama Triangle
I was introduced to this triangle by Luciana. At the time I did not understand it well but I have studied it since and have gained new insights on it.
The drama triangle is a social model of human interaction used in psychotherapy that maps types of destructive interaction that can occur between people in conflict. It uses the connection between personal responsibility and power in conflicts, and the destructive and often times shifting roles people will play. Its three points include the roles of “The Victim”, “The Rescuer” and “the Persecutor” as detailed below.
• The Victim: The Victim's stance is "Poor me!" The Victim feels victimized, oppressed, helpless, hopeless, powerless, ashamed, and seems unable to make decisions, solve problems, take pleasure in life, or achieve insight. The Victim, if not being persecuted, will seek out a Persecutor and also a Rescuer who will save the day but also perpetuate the Victim's negative feelings.
• The Rescuer: The rescuer's line is "Let me help you." A classic enabler, the Rescuer feels guilty if he/she doesn't go to the rescue. Yet his/her rescuing has negative effects: It keeps the Victim dependent and gives the Victim permission to fail. The rewards derived from this rescue role are that the focus is taken off of the rescuer. When he/she focuses their energy on someone else, it enables them to ignore their own anxiety and issues. This rescue role is also very pivotal because their actual primary interest is really an avoidance of their own problems disguised as concern for the victim’s needs.
• The Persecutor: (a.k.a. Villian) The Persecutor insists, "It's all your fault." The Persecutor is controlling, blaming, critical, oppressive, angry, authoritative, rigid, and superior.
Triangulation is arguably one of the most natural progressions in human conflict relations. It creates a manipulation tactic where one person will not communicate directly with another person but instead will use a third party through which to channel communication. This forms the points of the triangle and allows for the manipulation of the parties of a relationship by controlling communication between them. When people find themselves in conflict with another, they will attempt to relieve tension by engaging a third person. The resultant triangle is more comfortable because the conflict is being absorbed by three individuals instead of just two.
From this triangle concept another has been created that is designed to shift these roles to a more positive aspect. This triangle is called the “The Empowerment Dynamic (TED)”. It recommends that the players in a drama triangle adopt different roles altogether that are designed to empower the individuals. It recommends that the "victim" adopt the alternative role of creator, the persecutor the role of challenger, and the rescuer the role of coach. As follows:
• Creator – victims are encouraged to be outcome-oriented as opposed to problem-oriented and take responsibility for choosing their response to life challenges. They should focus on resolving "dynamic tension" (the difference between current reality and the envisioned goal or outcome) by taking incremental steps toward the outcomes he or she is trying to achieve. The Creator owns the power to choose and respond and focuses on outcomes. I can do it!
• Challenger – a victim is encouraged to see a persecutor as a person (or situation) that forces the creator to clarify his or her needs, and focus on their learning and growth. The challenger calls forth learning and growth. They provoke and evoke action, conscious constructive criticism and unconscious deconstruction of issues. You can do it!
• Coach – a rescuer should be encouraged to ask questions that are intended to help the individual to make informed choices. The key difference between a rescuer and a coach is that the coach sees the creator as capable of making choices and of solving his or her own problems. A coach asks questions that enable the creator to see the possibilities for positive action, and to focus on what he or she does want instead of what he or she does not want. The coach supports and assists. They facilitate clarity by asking questions. How will you do it?
When put together, these two triangles form a diamond. The number 3 represented in each of these triangles is a power number. As a witch, it is sacred as it represents the Divine in Maiden, Mother and Crone. Spiritually it represents the 3rd eye of inner vision and of course the Christian trinity is also a power symbol in society. I now see these triangles as being much more powerful than before as a tool I can use, not only from a practical aspect in psychology but a spiritual one as well. I can recognize every aspect of these triangles (forming the diamond) in myself at different times and events in my life. I think the goal as a Sith should always be to try and remain off the drama triangle as much as possible. And so it takes an awareness of myself to realize where I am and how I am behaving and provide constant adjustment to that.
Particularly for me in the past I have definitely played prosecutor roles and even victim roles. I have spent a great deal of time self-evaluating that behavior and trying to be better. I have realized the roles I have played and in light of that I am trying to adjust those roles to more positive ones like the Creator. I have attempted to shift to that creator role by starting a journal and path of study here. I do not want to let my own short comings keep me from my goals and so I will do what it takes to grow. I want to take these roles as a new form of responsibility for my own wellbeing instead of constantly creating havoc and discord. I have learned to accept those roles in others as well. Luciana has taught me a great deal in that regard and has become a powerful challenger for me now in my path here.
It seems to me that people that are more commonly found on the empowerment triangle are more of the mindset that life just happens regardless of the individual’s involvement. They don’t take events as a personal slight against them and therefore tend to view life more in terms of self-empowerment rather than victim of external events. These sorts of people are not focused on revenge for revenges sake but instead focus on a process of always attaining an adaptable set of means in response to their shifting environment to achieve a desired end. This is the attitude in which I try to live my life. I am striving to remain off the drama triangle in the pursuit of personal power. This is not a power over others but over self.
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Post by VixensVengeance on May 5, 2020 20:40:38 GMT
This is one of the... "services"... you might say a Sith can provide for those who are caught in the Victim mentality.
I believe that term came from some of the research I did but it is quite an interesting one to be sure. It really shows the various subjective perspectives that one will adopt in the face of conflict and drama.
I very much like the idea of this role as a “service”. It was a distinction I was failing to comprehend when we first met. I created conflict for conflicts sake because I did not know any better. I thought that’s what it was all about but there is so much more to it. I was a child with no direction. A failed teaching of the FA that you taught me in spades.
I think it’s an important realization that not only can I replace the roles in the drama triangle but also modify the makeup of the role itself. For example, as you say, I can play the villain without ever taking on the negative connotations of that role like being blaming or critical. It’s through this process that I actually leave any role in the triangle and begin to create my own role that may be an amalgam of several different roles unique aspects. Shaping that flow of “The Force” to my own design and will to become something that I want to be, not something another defined for me.
I have really realized this in my pursuit of Sith philosophy. Especially in the warrior aspects it conveys. Externally warriors can be perceived as a conquering force that is only focused on violence and domination but that is really only from one perspective – that of the force they oppose. In reality the warrior mind is one of sacrifice and service not only to themselves in their pursuit of excellence but also to something greater than themselves. They are all about shaping and redirecting those flows of mind body and spirit.
I am almost through with the book you recommended (The Places that Scare You) and I will be posting some things on it shortly with some of these concepts as a focus.
I definitely feel that shift in perception and it is reshaping my approach to life. It becomes clearer each day.
Oh you’re right! I hadn't thought of that. It has become extremely important to me to meld my new found Sith philosophy with my spirituality and so I appreciate the intro! I definitely want to delve deeper into these things. These sorts of studies might become a direction of focus for me after I finish with the book! I think you have some incredibly fascinating things you could teach me and so my goal is to reach that “level of interest” so you might take me on as a student.
Thanks!
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Post by VixensVengeance on May 5, 2020 20:42:45 GMT
When it comes to “The Force” there seems to be this strange dichotomy that people assume exists. Either “The Force” is with them or not with them. These people consider "The Force" as something alive that should be worshiped or thanked for its benevolence or communed with. But if we are one in the same with “The Force” are we not actually doing those things onto ourselves? Is this not a form of self-worship? I much better like the Sith concept of “The Force”. One in which I cooperate with it, shape it, bend it to my will, imbue it with my essence and then bask in that return. Is this not the very essence of magic? To cause change in conformity with will? If I am to be my authentic self, meaning I am true to that essence I was created within, then I can do no wrong according to the universe. And if I can do no wrong in that respect I should be able to enact my own morality as I see fit – free of shame or remorse or regret. In order to do that I must act with intent to shape my path, even in the face of adversity. For me “The Force” is not a passive force that I allow to flow through me but an active force I draw from and shape as a means to an end. In doing this it does not give me essence but takes of mine, which is returned to me magnified in kind for the sacrifice I gave. This reciprocation produces personal and universal growth. It is sacrifice in the expectation of return to self. I'm just more honest about that than others seem to be. The thought that even in selflessness there is the reward of ego is too much for them to bear. They are ashamed of who they are and so refuse to take responsibility for this form of self-worship by pretending it does not exist. I am not burdened with this malady.
VERSION TWO
I have actually been doing some studying on warrior cultures and trying to equate them to the concepts I have been developing about the Warrior Sith. One that I have found particularly fascinating is the Romulan Culture from Star Trek, which was actually patterned after Roman Culture. While there are obviously differences, I see them as very Sith-like in their approach to life. Ill post some of my research below and then after that my rewritten text from above.
ROMULANS
In every way the opposite of the logical and "cold" Vulcans, the Romulans lack the rigorous mental disciplines developed by the followers of Surak. Romulans do not hide their emotions. They tend to revel in them, capable of both intense compassion and deep loving devotion but also fanatical ferocity and viciousness. They are characterized as passionate, cunning, and opportunistic. The Romulans do not undergo the effects of Pon farr, due to the fact they don’t repress their normal sexual urges. Like the Vulcans, The Romulan’s gave up unrestrained violence as a way of life. However, in the case of the Romulans, this was replaced with a controlled deviousness.
As a species, the Romulans as generally thought of as treacherous. But they are actually quite honorable as a species and this reputation stems from their philosophy of accomplishment at all cost. Part of this Romulan behavior is influenced by the belief in “D'era” which is the source of the Romulan concept of honor. This is not purely a warrior-like concept but also a reflection of accomplishments made by the individual in relation to self, family and Empire. They celebrate rather than repress their instinctual, passionate emotions and consider defending the Romulan Empire and their own personal honor of foremost importance.
Part of this belief includes the concept of "Final Honor" which is something that requires a Romulan to sacrifice their life before their honor is taken from them. This includes never being captured in battle and fearing disgrace over death. Romulan’s believe they are the caretakers of the universe and in this have a complete loyalty to their race as a whole. To them there is no greater honor than to die in service to their nation. This shared belief is known to the Romulan’s as "the Romulan path to glory." As well, military service and its accompanying rank are decisive factors in determining social eminence. The Romulan’s consider the Vulcans to have strayed away from the warrior teachings of D'Era.
THE FORCE
In my path as a Sith, one concept I embrace is the power of “The Force”. I consider this power just a different name for magic, a power I incorporate into my pagan practice. When I began studying this power I had no idea of its potential or how deeply it truly integrates with my life. I was told by others that it was a force that was either with me or against me. That it was something alive that should be worshiped or thanked for its benevolence or communed with as some separate entity that I had to bow to and let passively flow through me.
But over time I began to see a greater truth. A truth that I am actually one in the same with “The Force” and I consider these acts of worship as something I am doing unto myself. Revering the force is nothing more than a form of self-worship that I undertake in the pursuit of my passion. And my passion is not a passive quest but an active hunt. I have seen the true power of “The Force” in this and I have dedicated my life to understanding that. This is the concept of “The Force” I embrace. One in which I cooperate with it, shape it, bend it to my will, imbue it with my essence and then bask in that return.
This is the very essence of magic. To cause change in conformity with will, so I see no difference between my practice of “force power” and my practice of magic. If I am to be my authentic self, meaning I am true to that essence I was created within, then all that I do, all that I pursue, is valid and correct by this power. Understanding this truth means my will be done as the will of the universe. I enact my own morality as I see fit – free of shame or remorse or regret. In order to do that I will act with intent to shape my path, even in the face of adversity. This is required if I wish to advance my will.
This process is not one in which “The Force” passively flows through me but an active process that I draw from and shape as a means to an end. I allow The Force to take of my essence, which is then returned to me magnified in kind for the sacrifice I gave. This reciprocation produces personal and universal growth. It is sacrifice in the expectation of return to self. The thought that even in selflessness there is the reward of ego is too much for many to bear. They allow themselves to be driven by external influences, refusing to take responsibility for this form of self-worship, because they do not recognize its existence. I am not burdened with this malady.
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Post by VixensVengeance on May 5, 2020 20:43:34 GMT
MEETING MY ANXIETY
I sit cross legged in the middle of my bed in my darkened bedroom. I do the 4 fold breath.
Breathe in for count of 4
Hold breath for count of 4
Breathe out for count of 4
Hold breath out for count of 4
I close my eyes and begin to focus on a three dimensional point in space out in front of me. Slowly, in my mind, I begin to move this point closer until it envelops me in a white light. I find myself on a snowy mountain top. The wind howls and the cold bites at me but I remain comfortable, standing there in the snow. As I look around I state clearly and loudly,
“I am here to meet my anxiety.”
I feel a sharp jab in my back as I am shoved forward. I turn quickly and see a massive grizzly. The bear is pure white as it stands on its back legs and roars furiously at me. Spittle and drool drip from its mouth as it moves forward. I’m frozen in fear as it towers over me. The enormous creature reaches out with one paw and shoves me again, causing me to fall backward into the snow.
It snorts noisily as it comes crashing down onto all for huge paws and moves forward. I start to cry and scream for it to go away. It does not comply and instead places one colossal paw on my chest. The pad nearly covers my entire upper body and its claws rake into my skin. It stomps down crushing the breath out of my lungs. My heart is racing, beating out of control, pounding unevenly against my rib cage. I squirm to get out from under the compressing grasp of the bear, not daring to even look at my assailant for fear it will consume me whole in one gulp.
This is my anxiety, this is how I live my life, trying to avoid this beast. But it is always there, lurking, stalking. It always finds me. But this time is different. This time I have sought the bear out. I struggle to get my emotions under control and I rally my courage. I measure my breathing and stop resisting. The bear goes quiet, only the sound of our breathing can be heard. The wind has stopped, the cold is no longer present. I open my eyes and look up into the deepest green eyes I have ever seen. They are filled with pain and sorrow.
I reach up and place my hands gently around the massive leg holding me down. There is a sticky wetness there. I look at the leg and see what appears to be thick blood originating at the bears chest and running down its white leg. I realize I am responsible for this pain and this damage. I slow my breathing even further, consciously getting it under control. The pressure on my chest lessens as I begin to slowly caress the Grizzlies stark snow colored fur. It looks down at me for a moment and then steps back. I try speaking to the behemoth.
“It’s ok, I don’t want to hurt you. I am sorry for any part I have played in causing this pain in you. You are big, massive and overwhelming and you scare me. But I don’t want to go on hurting each other. I want us to be friends. Can we be friends?”
The bear settles back on its haunches, cocks its head quizzically to the side and stares at me. I’m not sure how to proceed at this point. He seems to not understand. We stare at each other for several moments. I slowly become transfixed by the bear’s eyes, afraid to move. His breath comes in heavy snorts that form clouds of moisture at his muzzle. The bear seems to be studying me. Ever so slowly it lifts its paw and extends it toward me. I take the paw and hold it gently. I collect some snow and begin to clean the stained fur. As I move further up his leg he flinches slightly. A low growl comes from deep in his chest but I reassure him that it’s ok. I’m not going to hurt him. As I clean I speak further to the Grizzly.
“You don’t have to be afraid of me. I’m sorry if I have treated you badly but I have not understood you. Look how powerful and immense you are. You don’t know your own strength sometimes and that has frightened me as well. We have both been scared of the other I think.”
The bear watches me curiously as I clean and talk to him. After a time, I hear the bear speak for the first time. He does not use his mouth but his words just appear in my head.
“I am necessary?”
“Yes you are, but I have ignored that because you can be so overwhelming. But that is over, I want us to work as friends who protect each other, not fight each other.” I say back to the bear.
His words once again appear in my head, “That is good. I will watch better, listen better and try to be kinder when you get scared.”
“I want that as well.” I reply. “But I need to know why I allow myself to be controlled by my fear?”
The bear chortles and replies. “Do you remember the horse you had when you were young? Do you remember your instruction in school and what you did after graduation? What about diving in the ocean, flying an aircraft, the risks you took in your career to reach the high station you enjoy now, organizing the groups and leading the events you have, just because you saw a need or wanted them to happen, being the only one willing to save the life of your friend?
All of these things terrified you. I know because I was there with you for every single one. But did they ever stop you from what it was you wanted to do? No never. Of course you failed at times but you found value even in the failures. These things were not avoided from a place of fear but driven from a place where you found meaning in the sacrifice these things took to accomplish, even if that sacrifice meant death. And the desire in that meaning is what you use to overcome your fear.
But this has been so present in your life that it has become a competition. Your anxiety has become an enemy you have decided you need to defeat. But I am not your enemy. I am your greatest protector. You struggle even today, you hesitate, you justify actions and you use fear as an excuse but you know none of these things are real.
It is not your fear that holds you back, you hesitate because you no longer find the meaning in the sacrifice that you once did. Your need for perfection has blinded you to this. You don’t fear failure, you fear losing the part of you that you always considered to be the core of your being. That all-consuming passion that drove your life is no longer what it once was. But you continue to hold onto it like a child hiding under her security blanket. You need to allow that to fall away so you can see who you have become and what drives you now."
I begin to weep …
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Post by VixensVengeance on May 5, 2020 20:44:19 GMT
GETTING TO KNOW MY ANXIETY
Anxiety has been ever present in my life. When I was a child, if I was insecure or uncomfortable I would escape into my mind. My imagination became the way I viewed the world. I was always delving into fantastic places and amazing adventures and I would use my readily available environment to do this. I was not driving a car to school, I was flying a space craft to mars or a fighter jet in air to air combat. I interpreted every aspect of my life in this manner.
I decided pretty early on in my life that these adventures I lived in my head were what I wanted to do with my life. But I was not sure if I had the confidence to actually pull that off. That is until one day when I was about 12 years old. I had a horse growing up and that thing was mean. I used to try and ride it almost every day and almost every day it would buck me off at least once. But I never gave up trying to ride that thing. One day the horse bucked me off in front of my house and my mother was there. I just got up and started to get back on. As I was doing this my mother commented that she had never seen anyone with as much perseverance as I displayed with that horse.
I had no idea, but I realized something amazing that day. I did not need confidence initially if I had perseverance because perseverance will build confidence. It was that day that I decided I was going to translate these adventures in my head into real life. I made a pact with myself that I was always going to go after the things in my life that I wanted the deepest but also terrified me the most, the hardest challenges I could find. I loved science and astronomy growing up so by the time I was 12 years old I had already picked out my career. The hardest one I could think of, Astronaut. This became my paramount passion.
I set every aspect of my life to this passion. I joined one of the hardest military organizations on the planet. I learned as much technical skill as I could, avionics, computers and networking. I learned to fly aircraft, I became a master scuba diver and I pursued education and tech certs at every opportunity. I kept my body in outstanding shape and watched my diet carefully. I undertook one of the most prestigious college astrophysics programs in the country. During that time I was also working 2 jobs in tech fields so I could get more experience. I took on any challenge I could think of that I thought would help me prepare for this dream life I envisioned. I was on my way… and then things fell apart.
I was married at the time and I was depending on my spouse to support the bulk of the mundane parts of my life that I really had no time for – Food, housing, money management, etc. Over time the pressures built because of the intense schedule I had adopted. Resentments formed, then bitterness, anger, rage and finally abuse, even violence. When I caught my partner in bed with my best friend I snapped. This was not the perfect life I had intended and so I walked away from it all. I got in my car and just drove for 14 hours. I didn’t de-enroll or quit my jobs or tell anyone I was leaving. I just ran.
I spent the next year of my life living with friends as I went through a bitter, vengeful divorce, all the while trying to sort out what had gone wrong. I knew I still had what it took to accomplish my goals. This was reaffirmed early in my life during a diving accident that nearly killed me and a friend of mine. In the face of that blinding panic I was the one to save us both. It was this brush with death that solidified my urgency to achieve personal ambitions. But when it came to interpersonal relationships and responsibilities I was still that child that lived inside my head. Once again I had gotten lost in my own mind and my anxiety had gotten the better of me. For example, I discovered my ex had become a drug addict during our marriage but I had never even noticed. Through this process I was forced to face the fact that I had not set myself up in life the way I should have. This failure was my fault because I had not taken complete responsibility for myself. I was great at accomplishing goals but I also ignored the issues in my life I did not want to face, the things that still terrified me. And as a result they grew unchecked until my life blew up.
So I set myself on a new path. One in which I was determined to master this part of my life that I had avoided and neglected for so long. I took a job in computer sales and service where I had to interact with people all day long. I got my own apartment and lived by myself for the first time in my life, which forced me to deal with all the responsibility that entails. I sorted out my messy financial situation and stopped avoiding debt collectors. I got a budget together and began talking to them and paying them off. I made my own Dr and Dentist appointments and I actually went to them. I took up new hobbies where I was forced to intermingle with people. I joined the genealogy club and the astronomy club and the rocketry club and the beer club. I began venturing out to explore my pagan spiritual beliefs by joining discussion groups and social meetups and volunteering for event organizations.
Dealing with these sorts of things still terrify me but I don’t allow them to rule my life any more. I have learned mechanisms to cope with them and I have practiced those mechanisms until I have mastered all these aspects of my life. My career progressed from technician to administrator to infrastructure specialist, to engineer to technical project manager where I am now in charge of and responsible for my own team of engineers. I have served as a vice president of several volunteer organizations for many years now. I organized and executed a massive family reunion 2 years ago. I organized and still run my own spiritual group. I have met someone that I care deeply for and have the best relationship with. I am debt free except for my house payment.
Mission accomplished, time to refocus myself on my original goals, right? I went back to school last year. But it had been so long that I needed a lot of refresher courses, especially in the areas of math and physics. So I undertook those. I spent a year doing that and I am now back where I left off. It was not hard to get that stuff back in my head but now I am at a place where I need to undertake new material, training and experience. But something has changed inside me. I still have the passion but I’m no longer finding that desire I once did. I’m missing the meaning in the sacrifice.
While I have accomplished amazing things in my life I am realizing that I will never make my original ultimate goal of Astronaut. That window of opportunity has passed but I have refused to accept that until now. My need for perfection has not allowed me to accept failure in this but my anxiety has been telling me it’s time to do just that. My new friend the bear has shown me that a degree in astrophysics has become hollow because it is no longer the means to that end. It’s a crazy moment to have a plan from 12 years old that you design every aspect of your life around, extra classes, activities, training, all leading to that one big goal…and then realizing its time to cut my losses and move on.
I never considered the core of who I was to be a diver or a pilot or a technical project manager. I love doing those things but they were not my passion. That core, that passion, was always someone who was obsessed with getting into outer space as an Astronaut. Those other things were just stepping stones in pursuit of that passion. But what I am finding out is that is not really all that I was. I think I have known that for a while but once again, lost it in my head. And so in my journey here I have been trying to bring that truth out. I have been making lists and justifying their content but still avoiding the reality of my situation. I am not an Astronaut and I never will be.
But that does not mean I should find any less value in doing the things in my life that further that pursuit. Every choice I have made, every thing I have done, are all the core of who I am. Remove even one of those things and I become someone different. And this is as true for my passion as it is for my core being. These things I love to do are not stepping stones to my passion but integral components of it. And I can pursue those components as I desire for passions sake, even though I may never achieve that overarching goal. It is the hunt that I covet. It is a process of constantly undertaking the challenge of self-improvement through adventure as I see fit. This is living that dream life I have craved so deeply. This is my Passion!
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, now this is said sarcastically of course because we all have them. However for me, they are often hard to recognize in myself and even harder to openly admit to once I see them. But this happened to me today and based on my time here and promise to myself to be open, I have to admit it exists.