The TotJO "Final Solution" is well underway!

A TRANSCRIPT OF MY RECENT "APPEAL" INTERVIEW.
Its been 7 days and not a peep. such a decisive crew, these Jedi, aren't they!

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KIT: ok so I'd like to get this interview started for you

KYRIN: Ok

KIT: How do you feel about your banning?

KYRIN: I feel frustrated. Not frustrated that I was banned. I deserved to be banned for what I did. But not permanently banned. And I feel like other parties that had just as much to do with the incident were not punished at all. And still to this day continue to make derogatory comments about me openly on the board with impunity

KIT: I'm so sorry about that. It's frustrating for me too. That’s not the kind of culture I feel TotJO should be. I was so worried that that the thread was going to go that route so I kept a close eye on it for a few days then things got busy. On that note, how do you feel we could handle that better?

KYRIN: I agree, and I have no ability to even respond. That just builds even more frustration. I may be a bit of a wild card sometimes but I have also worked incredibly hard over the last 3 years at that site! I’ve done the lessons and contributed a lot and even done 2 apprenticeships and I feel like that is just dismissed over one or two incidents surrounding the same people that keep coming after me over and over. I have complained a lot about them and nothing is done so I take things in my own hands and get what I feel is unfairly punished.

KYRIN: Arbitration!!! The clergy are always saying how much they want to be involved in personal matters that don’t require medical expertise. Well this is the PERFECT type of thing they should be active in. Communication is another one. I talk to council over and over and no one ever gets back to me on anything

KIT: I've seen the culture at TotJO shift from one of keeping each other in check, to passively letting things happen. On one hand I feel it's good to not rise to everything, but on the other, as leaders, we're charged with protecting those who need it. By ignoring these kinds of things, we're showing we're accepting of it which leads to the quiet personalities just leaving, and the louder ones to take things into their own hands. Anyways, that's what I feel lead up to all of this. It's been years in the making, I hope it won't be years to undo! I've been thinking about adding a communication section to the IP

KYRIN: And maybe not accepting so much as indifferent. That is the perception. Ignore it until it goes away. That's how I feel in this banning. I have been working with Senan for over a month and no one will decide anything. I hear it’s not permanent but never a time frame. And I hear there are requirements I need to fulfill but no one will commit. It just gets talked in circles and no leadership commitment to anything. I feel like they are just ignoring it until I get frustrated enough to finally just go away.

KIT: I'm hoping it'll help alleviate some of the miscommunications by starting with the early folks

KYRIN: yea a comms section would be good. But still there are those that will not help. And I agree that every little thing should not be hopped on but when a pattern emerges like with me and zenchi and arisaig that’s different.

KIT: I know for my part, I'm frustrated with the whole situation. With the confrontation between you and Zenchi's crew. With the aftermath of your banning in the forums and in council. I think there's just a relief that it seems to be 'fixed'. You were the easy answer there. There might be a reluctance to let you back into the mix because of the perceived peace. There's also frustration from Council because you've refused to do what was thought of as helpful lessons.

KYRIN: they don’t understand me and they have never bothered to get to know me. Instead they jump to conclusions and have decided i need fixing.

KIT: Yeah I can see that. And that's part of why I wanted to do this conversation with you
So why TotJO? What drives you to want to be there?

KYRIN: I don’t need fixing. You know some of my background. I spent 10 years in the Marines. I have communication and leadership skills. I ran a squad of Marines in combat in desert storm. I run a crew of 12 engineers now in my job. that’s stuff you don’t fake. I know what I’m doing. You know how military life is so I know you understand. I have written extensively about some of the stuff and learning those things is not why I am at TotJO... why I am at TotJO is for the opportunity for the deep dives on life. I don’t want to build Jedi utility belts or write mindless essays on what "service" means to me. I’m a different kind of "Jedi" I guess lol. My service is in getting people to think! That’s where I find passion. And in doing that being challenged as well. Alan and I made some incredible deep dives into things like what a mind actually is and consciousness. We studied some of the greatest philosophers. That’s what I want personally. People that want to take that journey with me. Senan and I have been doing some cool stuff. I actually wrote a lesson for him he’s doing on the nature of "The self". We both did that lesson and are going to compare notes when done.

KIT: that's awesome! Gwinn has set me a few lessons too. Yeah the military sure teaches things differently than the 'real world'

KYRIN: We’re also working on PTSD. I have a personal interest in that as well for reasons I won’t go into here but I give classes at pagan gatherings on that. And get people to realize they are not victims of assault for example but survivors and my partner and I are support people in that arena

KIT: I've learned more about leadership and mental health from having bad leaders that drove me to very poor mental health. That’s an interesting shift in mindset. To go from victim to survivor.

KYRIN: Yea you can definitely learn a lot from both the good and the bad lol. Yes it is and it’s empowering as well!

KIT: Shit, thinking about it, I've been playing the victim. It's an internal look, but SURVIVING something is more shining...pride. Strength. Now you've given me something to ponder for a while lol

KYRIN: I didn’t get a chance to publish all my lessons on PTSD at the temple but they are all on my other site. I have always been one to find my own path. I don’t use excuses to stop progress. That’s is a leader. Don’t stop at the wall. Find a way over or around or through! lol... when I was denied knighthood the first time and Alan left I started a new path in the Je'daii journal. My training continued even though I didn’t have a mentor and when zenchi started calling for my demotion I started with Senan to make me official again. Now that I have been banned I started my own entire site so I could continue lol. All my journals are now over there and those PTSD lessons are all posted. Feel free to check them out if you like! I think there’s lots of cool things we can do like shifting our mindset and altering the way we think. Going from being a persecutor to a challenger is another one. That’s one I have been working on... that is until I got banned.

KIT: yeah I'll for sure have to check those out! and I think TotJO could use lessons of that sort too. I know folks come to us hurting

KYRIN: yes I believe that as well. There are a lot of people that come there hurting from all kinds of things

KIT: When you come back, do you have any plans?

KYRIN: The very first thing I’m going to do is start a conflict resolution thread and just give everyone a chance to talk things out. It will be a good way for everyone to ask me anything they have been wondering and for me to practice dialoging. I tried that a few months ago with an AMA (ask me anything) thread but almost no one responded. I found that interesting as well. No one asks questions they just assume. You are only the 3rd person to ever ask me about my change in pronouns.

KIT: That’s one of the things I want to open with the communication thread. Awareness of assumptions. I can't tell you how long and hard it was for me to move from assumptions to questions. Do you think you'll get more interaction than your AMA thread?

KYRIN: I don’t know. I’ll have to see I guess. But I want to address some specific issues like with zenchi and arisaig. Like them coming after me and their assumptions that my personal life is a mess. So maybe?

KIT: That's going to be hard to address without bringing tempers along. How much mediation are you wanting?

KYRIN: I don’t know. Yea you’re right. Maybe that’s too confrontational.. There are some very sensitive souls there and the last thing I probably need to be doing is stirring the pond... so I guess I’m not sure... maybe I’ll just watch for a while.


KIT: I'm torn. It'll either do great at clearing the air, or bring about more bickering

KYRIN: Exactly. I tried it in PM with him and I just get sarcasm back... I have been waiting for months for him to ask me about my gender and he never has... I find his assumptions quite arrogant.

KIT: yeah I see a lot of assumptions from him. I get that from him too every once in a while.
But he's never hounded me like he does you. How do you think you'd like to handle him when he does square off again?

KYRIN: I actually dont care what pronouns get used. So either way is not an issue. I actually changed it initially a while ago because of the discussions on adding all these genders to the profile radio buttons on the website. I think 31 genders is extreme and it’s the same reason I got into it with John last year. He made an assumption there was no evidence for and things went sideways.

KIT: #wtb critical thinking lol

KYRIN: As for handling Zenchi, I don’t know, how would you handle it? I seem to get no action from council, I suspect because they perceive me the same way as him, and I can usually only ignore him so long. What do you suggest? Ive tried clearing the air with him to no avail. He doesn’t want to be civil

KIT: I had a really hard time with someone. I tried to avoid him as much as I could but there were times when I couldn't so I did my best to be open, civil, and understanding. I took all perceived sting out of his words and tried to just answer what he was talking about
But honestly, it took bringing in a mediator before we could work well with each other
It took a LOT of energy and effort, and I'm not sure how well that would work with Zenchi
He’s rather more aggressive than this one. I've seen Zenchi be sweet, but I've seen him bite too often too.

KYRIN: What does bother me is his taunting and comments that I’m trying to hide something. Of course I’m hiding stuff. It’s the frickin internet! He could just ask. I’m up for anything so a mediator might be worth a shot if that is what people think is needed

KIT: So without a good answer for that, what can we as Council, and we as TotJO do for you?
Everyone is hiding something.

KYRIN: Exactly. I just want better communication and seeing everyone take responsibility for actions. I see OBI got banned yesterday. I believe that is a direct result of Ros inability to be a leader. She ignored his repeated requests to reopen his thread and instead whined that no decision council ever made was right. She said if someone else wanted to open it they could. Both of those are failures as a leader. If she made the decision she needed to own that and clearly stated as a leader that it was remaining locked for x and y reasons. Or she should have opened it back herself if she saw no reason to keep it locked due to Obi,s request. And she should have never whined about how unfair she was treated. That shit needs to stop! That sort of wishy washy action from her resulting in his escalating frustration and eventual banning. They need some NCO training lol.

KIT: I can see that. From her side, she's absolutely frustrated. She's trying her best but she doesn't have the kind of training or experience you get from the military. She's tried for so long and so hard that she doesn't know what else to do. ha-ha yeah we do. I've actually assigned a handful of lessons from my NCO training to apprentice’s lol. I feel Knights should be our "NCO"s

KYRIN: I think that’s great. I still have mine as well. Good idea to get that out and use it as a resource!

KIT: yes they should! But Ros just cares SO MUCH and has been expending so much energy trying to make TotJO a better place, I totally understand why she acted out that way. I think it would have helped if I had stepped in and supported her decision or listened to reasons why it should be opened, or any number of things.

KYRIN: I can see that... no having the experience or training to deal can be just as frustrating. Yea, we each need to use our strengths to support each other

KIT: I think we need to get a clear problem resolution channel

KYRIN: I think so too

KIT: We do have ways to resolve things like locked threads without ranting on the forums about them but I think they're a bit ambiguous.

KYRIN: Senan asked me how to be a better leader recently as well and we have been working together on that. I understand there is a process for such things but the problem is the process is broken.... take my appeal for example. It’s been 5 weeks now and absolutely no decisions made and no path forward. In fact it was me that originally suggested this conversation we are having! I gave that suggestion to senan and he was to take it to council. I was just trying to find a path forward like a good NCO, lol. and I think sometimes I expect too much. I have spent my entire life in high stress do or die leadership roles and I find that I expect that same excellence from others. I need to remember where I am sometimes and throttle back. Sometimes I forget though
I do the same thing at work.

KIT: hahaha yeah, TotJO is much more easy-going than the military lol

KYRIN: yea, those transitions are hard though. Just browsing the website. Here’s a CLASSIC attack on me by Arisaig he just posted in Bricks thread.

Arisiag Wrote: So should we make it that (for at least those attempting for Knighthood, would be a pain to enforce on guests and/or members) to make their faces (and by extension, their gender, pronouns, ect) public? Would clear the air on a lot of these issues if people that want to represent this community were properly representing themselves.
Hes talking about me and implying that I am not representing myself correctly in the temple. This is the crux of the issue with me and zenchi and ari.

KIT: let me get a reply there

KYRIN: ok

KIT: So I'm like 98% sure he's aiming at you, but hopefully we can lead him with questions or open his eyes

KYRIN: They have both implied I’m misrepresenting myself several times

KIT: yeah I saw those and I remember Zenchi calling for a picture

KYRIN: Exactly

KIT: speaking of antagonizing, you've said Zenchi has bullied you in PM, would you be willing to share screen shots of that?

KYRIN: What's even funnier is he's been to my Facebook lol. So he's just digging. Yea, if I could get to my PMs and if I haven't deleted them. I delete a lot of PMs.

KIT: well yeah there's the ability to reach them lol. What about granting permission to one of the admins to go digging in your PMs? I know that's a bit touchier because you have PMs from others that could be confidential and I don't know what they can and can't see in regards to participants in PMs

KYRIN: Yea, Senan is one that I keep and we talk about a lot of personal stuff so... and I have some from Alan as well.

KIT: Understandable. So there's a concern that if we lift your ban without any time passing, that it'll be perceived as Council being wishy/washy or weak. How do you feel about this? How long of a break would you feel appropriate for your situation before you come back?

KYRIN: Without any time passing? What amount of time are they talking? It's been 5 weeks. I think that 30 days would be more than sufficient considering the circumstances. That's in Ros suggested punishments as well. I think the only way they would be perceived as weak is if they present themselves that way by not taking responsibility for a decision like this. This indefinite time period is weak in my eyes. Tell me 30 days or 6 months and then stick to it. No discussion. Or have a concise appeal process to hear the accused case with steps such as we are doing here. That is strong.

KIT: have any questions for me?

KYRIN: What are your perceptions on how this will all come out? Do you think council is in a place where definite decisions are forthcoming?
KIT: There are a few that are vehemently set on you not coming back, many are frustrated and are enjoying the peace right now. But in general I get the sense that there's a reluctant willingness to be forgiving. To be honest, I don't know if we (Council) can get something definite. But it's absolutely unfair to leave you hanging like this. And I'm really hopeful that opening conversation like this will get things started. Things are crazy for me but I can take over as your advocate until Senan gets a chance to breathe again.

KYRIN: Thanks, do you actually perceive the board as having a peace since I was banned? I'm still seeing uproar over thread locking and obi banning and censorship threads?

KIT: It was quite for a little bit! hahaha

KYRIN: Lol. If you had autonomy to make a decision on my punishment for my infraction, what would you consider an appropriate time?

KIT: Now that I've had time to think and talk to you (maybe this needs to be mandatory on bans like this) I feel that 30 days is appropriate. Partly because you weren't the only one involved, just took one more shot than was tolerable by council's standards. And partly because I recognize there's a failure on us as a community too that helped contribute.

KYRIN: Ok. So we have interacted for a long time and we have gotten to know each other a bit better here. How do you find my character and my contributions to the temple? Outstanding, above average, average, or just a source of chaos... lol, and what things would you recommend I work on? Please be brutally honest.

KIT: As one-on-one I thoroughly enjoy talking with you. I think you have great insight where you have experience and do have a desire to help. Where our personalities take off in other directions is where I tend to hide from confrontation where you go charging into it lol
Which isn't a bad thing, and most of what I'm thinking of are after you've been driven there
So ignoring that because I'm super biased there, you word-choice I think is what often gets others riled up. The military tends to like things blunt and sharp, TotJO prefers things to be much more calm and personable.

KYRIN: Most of my current coworkers are ex-military as well, so it's natural for that to carry over to a lot of my life. Military people get it where others do not.

KIT: I agree with you

KYRIN: My partner has learned to read between the lines but she still occasionally slaps me upside the head as well for it lmao. I'm sure you get it. It’s something I have been working on with senan.

KIT: hahaha yeah the biggest thing I have to curb in "polite" company is the innuendoes *snicker
Right! But I do really appreciate the critical thinking you bring to the board

KYRIN: Thanks. We are all a work in progress with no final product in mind, the goal is to just be better than the day before I think lol. I think that's all the questions I had!

KIT: I agree!! Did you want to submit a statement beyond what we've talked about?

KYRIN: No I don't think so. I think we have covered it pretty well here.

KIT: Ok! I'll get a copy of this over to Council, in the meantime if you'd like me to share something let me know, or if Council has any more questions I'll bring them to you here

KYRIN: Sounds great! Thanks so much for your time!

KIT: you're welcome!

I have been reinstated at the order. However I have yet to participate there. In catching up and reading much of the propaganda conveyed there I find myself so disheartened as to its content I am reluctant to reengage once again. In the past my dissension was met with overwhelming recourse against me. In light of this sort of abusive attack I am failing to see the effort to engage as anything but futile...